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by harikurono



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Ishigami Senkuu, Autistic Character, Autistic Ishigami Senkuu, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentioned Ishigami Byakuya, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Shishiou Tsukasa, Panic Attacks, Trans Male Character, but its there, i refuse to write them as cis or neurotypical, i use they/them for tsukasa, rated mature for brief sexual content and talk of sex, senku being autistic is vaguely implied, senku is also n-b i just dont mention it, their genders arent the main theme of the story though, trans ishigami senku, tsukasa is also autistic its just not mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27150778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harikurono/pseuds/harikurono
Summary: ishigami senku was not an insecure person. not that he'd admit to, at least.
Relationships: Ishigami Senkuu/Shishiou Tsukasa
Kudos: 35





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**Author's Note:**

> oh man i was not expecting this to get so long uhh... yeah this is one big ol self projection again but what's new from me! i kindly ask for no criticism this was kinda difficult to write and a bit of a thought dump/vent lol
> 
> in case you didn't read the tags, i use they/them for tsukasa and he/him for senku in this. don't like? don't read! for clarification if it's really needed, tsukasa is amab and senku is afab. please note im trans + nonbinary myself so this is in no way an attempt to fetishize trans people. its purely self projection onto characters i deeply relate to. and if you didnt see my last fic, i am also autistic, so considering how ive written them both as mentioned in the tags please dont think im weird lol
> 
> yes both of them are a little ooc but i dont care. i need more vulnerable senku
> 
> with that being said, enjoy :)

Ishigami Senku was not an insecure person.

Not that he’d admit to, at least. Physically weak? He would admit to that. It was obvious, even more so in comparison to the combined manpower of his stronger friends. There was a reason he was a scientist, after all.

...Perhaps he was a little bit insecure. Only slightly, though. And that insecurity lies solely in his relationship with none other than Shishio Tsukasa.

The two of them had been dating for a few months at this point - everything was going smoothly. There was nothing wrong, the two hadn't even argued and rarely came to disagreement, Tsukasa usually just going along with whatever Senku suggests, sometimes offering his own input. Tsukasa was the best partner that Senku could’ve ever hoped for.

So what was the problem then? What was wrong with him for him to feel so insecure in a relationship that was perfectly healthy and loving?

The lack of sexual attraction is probably a start. Senku has never been one to be manipulated by the media and what society thinks - but the subliminal implication drilled into the brains of every member of society ever since childhood that sex is required for a relationship to work has been something that’s concerned him as of late. He’s known he’s never wanted anything to do with sex since he was in his early teens- hell, he’s never even experienced any form of real sexual attraction before. That fact had never bothered him before Tsukasa, considering they were his first and only relationship.

It had been nagging at him for weeks before he ever said anything about it, leaving Tsukasa blissfully unaware of his feelings. The thoughts got so much one night that it became unbearable, however. They were sitting together on Senku’s bed, side by side, Tsukasa’s jacket around Senku, observing the stars outside from his bedroom window as Senku rambled on about the different constellations until he went silent. Tsukasa didn’t question it at first - they knew that Senku just needed some time to breathe and process things occasionally, but when he didn’t speak up for another few moments, they gave him a gentle prompting.

“Is everything alright?” Their words cut through the silence between them, only their voice and the quiet chirps of birds outside to be heard. It was a calm night. The silence went on for a little while longer, Tsukasa waiting for a response from him, subtly pulling him a little bit closer to their side, wrapping their jacket around him a little bit tighter.

“Would you have sex with me?”

Tsukasa feels themself choking on air with the blunt question, suddenly thankful Byakuya had gone out for the night and that it was just the two of them.

“I-“ they started, stuttering over their words through their embarrassment as they tried to find the right thing to say, “I wouldn't be opposed to it, if that’s what you wanted to do.”

Senku moved hearing that, leaving Tsukasa even more shocked than before, following his movement, “Wait, you mean right now-?” He was met with a nod.

“We shouldn’t rush into this, Senku. Not to mention we don’t have any sort of protection-“

Senku groaned, clearly trying to get this started as quickly as possible, “We can think about that later.”

Tsukasa was clearly still surprised, but despite the rush, they didn’t feel forced. After giving it some thought, if this is what Senku wanted, they wanted it too.

He situated himself on their lap, grabbing onto their shirt as Senku’s lips desperately met theirs - he had next to no experience with actually making out with anybody, just brief, soft kisses, and it was obvious in his clumsy actions. He clearly didn’t know what he was doing, but Tsukasa reciprocated regardless, trying to slow down how fast he was going and fix his technique, but the other didn’t seem to care.

Tsukasa’s shirt had come off at some point, and Senku was currently working on getting them out of the rest of their clothes between feverish kisses. Things seemed to be going way too fast though - Tsukasa would have no complaints if this wasn’t the first time they’d done anything like this together, but Senku was someone who never showed an interest in sex or anything even remotely sexual prior to this, seemingly always repulsed by the thought - not to mention that he was clearly a virgin. This was far too fast than what Tsukasa was comfortable with for someone else’s first time, moving to gently pull away from the kiss, leaving Senku confused.

“This is going too fast,” they explained, “are you absolutely sure you want this? We can wait, or we don’t have to do this, ever-“

“I want to do this, why do you keep asking?!” Something was off about his voice, but they were given no time to respond before he resumed what he was doing. However, Tsukasa wouldn’t take that for an answer.

“Senku,” they said slowly, “Stop.” Senku stopped, the slight tremble in his arms visible. “I want to take this slow. I need to know you won’t regret this decision.”

Senku seemed hesitant, almost. An emotion that Tsukasa couldn’t recognise flashed behind his eyes, but was quickly blinked away before he could get the change to decipher what it was.

“I _want_ to do this.” He _had_ to do this, was what he was really thinking. He quickly resumed after, grinding down against Tsukasa for extra measure, and they couldn’t help a small groan passing through their lips at the friction. He supposed he’d just have to take his word for it. 

Senku’s actions got more hasty as things progressed though - his arms only seemed to get shakier. They hadn’t really gotten anywhere, Tsukasa being left in just his boxers while the majority of Senku’s clothes were still on, minus his shirt, though his binder stayed on - not that they minded, they respected his boundaries.

It all seemed to hit a breaking point soon enough. The trembling of his arms turned into his breaths becoming shallower, shakier, unable to take a full breath before ultimately collapsing against their chest. Tsukasa was immediately concerned, of course - his boyfriend had just collapsed and was very visibly having a hard time breathing, after all. They stopped all movement from their previous activities immediately and moved to rest their rough yet gentle hand on his cheek, tilting him up to face them.

He seemed spaced out, not entirely there, the movement only making him panic harder than he already was beforehand - and the crushing pressure of his binder certainly wasn’t helping the situation of his gasping breaths in the slightest. Tsukasa had honestly no idea what to do, dread filling their veins; had he done something wrong? Had he hurt him, made him in any way uncomfortable? Similar questions raced through his mind, but they knew they couldn’t let that bother him right now- they needed to help.

“Senku,” they started softly. That seemed to catch his attention, “Senku, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“ _Can’t_ ,” he rasped out, “this. Too much. I-”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I promise,” Tsukasa murmured in response, tone as calm and understanding as always, “We can stop. We don’t have to go any further.”

That much seemed to process in Senku’s mind, trying his hardest to breathe - it helped that Tsukasa was showing him how to take deep breaths, mumbling reassurances along the way. It took him a while, and even when he was calm, his chest burned and his breaths were still shallow thanks to the tight compression, and a dull ache set deep into his skull. Tsukasa took notice of this, however, gently sitting up and letting Senku lay back on the bed for a moment as they went to grab the hoodie they’d discarded when they arrived, before returning and gesturing for him to sit up. Despite the confusion, Senku went with it, soon finding Tsukasa’s hoodie placed in his arms.

“If you’re comfortable with it, then you should take your binder off. It definitely isn’t helping your breathing much right now,” they gestured to the hoodie as they spoke, “I thought you could wear my hoodie to cover up considering how big it would be on you… I’ll turn away if that’s what you want to do.”

Senku nodded in agreement with that plan, and Tsukasa turned away as he changed, going to get their own discarded clothes and get dressed again while they waited. They felt a tap on their shoulder, looking back, quickly becoming flustered when they noticed just how precious he looked in their hoodie. They smiled, going to lay down on the bed, gesturing for him to join them, holding their arms out for him to settle in.

Senku let out an exhausted sigh as he went to lay beside them, wanting nothing more than to be embraced by his partner right now. He had an aversion to touch most of the time - touch always burned, and he hated it. But in times like this… touch was what he needed most. He put one arm over Tsukasa, resting his head on their chest as they wrapped both their arms around him. Senku closed his eyes, the exhaustion from the abrupt panic attack starting to creep into his bones.

“Do you want to talk about it?” came Tsukasa’s voice after a little while of silence, as soft and as gentle as ever.

Another sigh - he could do this. He needed to speak about his feelings at some point, even more so after that whole ordeal.

“I’m asexual,” Senku started, voice quiet, vulnerable, “but lately I’ve been… worried that you’d break up with me if I told you I had no interest in you sexually. People always say that sex is important in a relationship, and it’s been bothering me.”

That was a start at least. Tsukasa hummed quietly, listening to anything he had to offer.

“...I’m sorry if you felt forced into doing anything with me. I don’t ever want you to feel like I’m making you do anything,” he continued, “I… Fuck. I guess I was just insecure about being with you- I mean, there’s so many goddamn people in the world you could’ve gone for, and you chose _me_ of all people. I thought you would leave me if we never got around to doing anything sexual.”

That seemed to be all, so Tsukasa spoke up.

“Senku, I would never leave you over something small like that,” their words were genuine, even Senku, as oblivious and as blind to tone indication as he is, could tell that much, “I’m in love with you for _you_. If you never want to do anything like that, then that’s fine by me. Your boundaries and your needs are important to me, so important to me. I want to see your cocky smile when you’re having fun, I want to see that gentle smile you save for me when we’re alone - I never want to be the reason you’re upset.”

Senku didn’t want to admit he teared up a little at how kind those words were. Considering what just happened, part of him was telling him he was undeserving of such affection.

“I know you’re doubting yourself right now,” their words cut straight through his thoughts, “I mean every word. I love you, Senku. I always will, regardless or anything.”

...Okay, maybe he was crying a little bit. He buried his face in their chest, trying to hide his tears, hearing Tsukasa chuckle from above him - god, that gentle chuckle that made him melt every time he heard it. They gave him time to formulate a response.

“I’m glad,” is all he could muster up the courage to respond with, choking his words out, so grateful to have a partner so understanding.

No other words needed to be exchanged past that point; Tsukasa was well aware it was difficult enough for Senku to talk about his feelings, never mind be so vulnerable to the point where he actually went into his emotions and had a panic attack in front of them. They could tell he was starting to fall asleep by how his breathing finally began to slow, how his crying subsided, how peaceful he seemed with his eyes closed, laying on their chest. They slowly ran their hand through his hair, thankful to see him so calm.

Things would be okay. Things would be okay from now, because they would be honest with each other.

**Author's Note:**

> fun trivia: i stole the title from close by nick jonas


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